There is no doubt that I am an introvert.
Introversion and extroversion are often placed on opposite sides of the spectrum, with each of us landing somewhere between the two extremes. Personally, I would place myself pretty far from the center – leaning towards the introversion side of the spectrum. I love people and truly enjoy being around people, but it is in solitude that I gain perspective and energy. When I find myself in a large crowd of people, I instinctively flee to find a place of quiet. And interacting with people that I don’t know very well or that I just met? Well, that elicits all the different levels of social anxiety that, for me, go hand-in-hand with introversion. When I walk into a room full of strangers, my default reaction is to turn around and run as far away as possible.
As an introvert, I feel as though we are often misunderstood, especially in social settings. So, I thought it might be helpful to put together the following…
The Extroverts’ Guide to Introverts
1. We aren’t anti-social – we just have a preference for smaller groups
Introverts aren’t anti-social just because we prefer one-on-one conversations. Spending time with large groups of people can be frustrating and draining, and we often prefer to spend quality time with one or two people instead.
2. We aren’t moping or mad – we just want some space
Introverts can be misunderstood for sulking or being upset all the time. The truth is we might simply feel overwhelmed by the crowded and/or noisy surroundings, causing us to keep quiet and more reserved.
3. We can turn on our extroverted side when needed – it’s just really draining for us
A common misconception about introverts is that we are always quiet. It might take some time, but get us around people we are comfortable with and watch us come to life. Our energy might also come in sporadic bursts rather than constant streams.
4. Once we’ve hit our limit, we might need to leave social gatherings – ASAP
While we enjoy being around people, we restore our energy levels by spending quality time with ourselves – so when we’ve reached our capacity for socializing with others, we might need to escape to solitude.
5. If we don’t feel like going out, feel free to go without us – we will be perfectly fine at home
One thing that extroverts find difficult to understand is that we are perfectly content to spend long periods of time alone. In fact, we actually crave it at times.
Living as a Christian Introvert: Putting off Social Anxiety & Putting on Serving Others
I believe that God made me introverted. It’s clear that some people are naturally more outgoing, while others are naturally inclined to be more reserved. I am naturally quiet, and this is part of God’s perfect design. Neither one is inherently wrong nor is either one intrinsically better than the other.
However, most of my introverted thinking is very self-centered – when I feed my anxious thoughts and feelings, I’m focusing on me. My fear of others. My worries about what they will think of me. My discomfort and desire to be somewhere else. The temptation as an introvert is to flee from people instead of serve people. It is to be selfish instead of giving.
One of the biggest struggles I face as an introverted Christian is asking myself, “how can I manage my introversion and social anxiety in a way that honors and glorifies Christ?” Well, Ephesians 4:21-24 does a pretty great job at answering this question:
“assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.”
To put it simply: I am to put off my old, corrupt self, renew my mind, and put on a new, godly self.
First, I need to “put off” (or stop giving in to) those thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of anxiety.
Next, I need to “renew my mind” with what Scripture says about how I am to regard myself and others. Giving in to the me-centered fears and anxieties is the exact opposite of God’s instruction to Christians. He calls us to be willing to deny our desires (even the desire to be alone) and to live a life of serving others. Luke 9:23 reads, “Then he said to them all: ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.’”
Finally, it’s time to “put on the new self”. Meaning what exactly? Well, my old nature was self-serving, whereas my new nature should desire to please, obey, and imitate Christ. Did Christ fearfully hide away from others or avoid interacting with others? Quite the opposite! In fact, God “put Himself out there” – to the extent that He became flesh and dwelt among us. Therefore, putting on the new self means proactively seeking opportunities to do the opposite of what the old self would do.
It’s easy to give in to introversion and social anxiety, avoiding people and situations that make us uncomfortable. But Christ doesn’t call us to live an easy life. In John 16:33, Jesus says, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
Whether you lean more towards introversion or extroversion, these personality traits are merely what you are and not who you are. If I let myself elevate these traits and allow them to control my life, then I am using them to justify my selfishness instead of selflessness. God made us all different, and for good reasons. But I need to make a conscious effort to not use my God-given introversion trait as an excuse to refuse to connect with others.
So, to those who might think I’m anti-social, too reserved, or standoffish – I’m working on it. Just give me some space.