“If your number one goal is to make sure that everyone likes and approves of you, then you risk sacrificing your uniqueness, and, therefore, your excellence.” – Unknown
Today is a bit of a different post, but due to a recent experience – along with the fact that I’ve been living as a (self-diagnosed) people pleaser for the past several years – I thought I would share some thoughts on the subject. Because surely I can’t be the only one who struggles with wanting others to like them (…right?!).
For starters, I think it’s safe to say that most of us prefer to be liked by others. I mean, we’re social creatures by nature. But what about those who find themselves obsessing over what someone might be thinking of them, or fixating on that one time someone made a negative comment towards them? Well, if you resonate with that group of people, you are not alone – in fact, I am right there with you. For most of my adult life, my need to be liked has overshadowed all my other needs. Almost every decision in my life involved me heavily weighing what other people might think. And you know what? It ends up being both exhausting and counterproductive, since very few people actually know me – the real me – which is in fact, a prerequisite to liking me.
The older I get, the more I’m becoming aware of how this constant need to be liked is just a way that I’m seeking approval and validation from others. I want to know that I’m liked, and that what I am saying or doing is the right thing, and if that all lines up, then I’ll be accepted. I’ll measure up. Yet despite all my best efforts the infamous saying still rings true: “Not everyone is going to like you”.
And you know what? That’s okay.
There will always be people who don’t like me. Especially as a Christian. In fact, there will probably be people who outright dislike me. Being disliked by some might simply be a result of being unapologetically myself. But if I continually present my genuine, authentic, and weird self, that will only strengthen my acceptance of who I am.
Galatians 1:10 reads: “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” As a Christian, it is important for me to always be striving for good relations with others. However, it is even more important that I strive for a greater relationship with Christ. When I’m tempted with the desire to appease others over God, I need to put my efforts into pleasing God, and God alone – regardless of others’ opinions. And if I'm being honest – this isn't something that comes naturally to me and it takes a deliberate shifting of my focus. But I know it’s worth the effort. If I’m living solely for Christ’s approval, my foundation will always be certain. Because the foundation of who I am is discovered when I seek the perspective of my Savior.
It's my prayer that God would give me the tenacity to choose to walk only in ways that please Him.
I’ll leave you with a quote from the book Light is the New Black, which goes like this: “The world is filled with people who, no matter what you do, will point blank not like you. But it is also filled with those who will love you fiercely. They are your people. You are not for everyone and that’s OK.”